Divorced Dating Thoughts

Divorced Dating Thoughts

Things I hear from those trying to assist me in my pursuit of a male companion (not a husband, not even a serious relationship, a friggin’ companion):

  • You are never gonna find a man if you don’t cook.
  • You are never gonna find a man if you are a Democrat.
  • You are never gonna find a man if you don’t lose at least XYZ pounds.
  • You are never gonna find a man if you don’t stop being so outspoken.
  • You are never gonna find a man if you don’t get those dogs out of your house.
  • You are never gonna find a man if you don’t (insert comment here).

The ones above are the ones I hear most often. The purpose of dating is to hopefully “find a man” am I right? One might say the purpose of dating is to hopefully find husband #2. I never make it to that island. I don’t even know where that island is. I can’t get past ten days of dating someone. Why might you ask? Because I is who I is, and I am not changing. I’m also not settling for a warm, male body. I like being alone way more than I like being in a bad relationship. I am 36 and divorced after a fairly decent ten year marriage. People can change, but they rarely do. I am not saying that they can’t, but I am saying I likely won’t. More on this later.

Moving on, I am not Bettye Crocker. I work. I work because I love my job. I have a career. The last thing I want to do when I get home from work is cook AND THEN clean up my kitchen. I like to eat. I like to eat food other people cook, but I don’t like to do it myself. If I am on vacation or on say a two week holiday break, I may get a wild hair and cook a gourmet meal. This happens rarely. I could cook if I wanted to, but I don’t want to do so. Cooking for me is inserting the Lean Cuisine into the microwave, mashing 3:30 and finding a fork. All I have to do is wash my fork when I am done. I once told my son that I was not cooking tonight. By that I meant I wasn’t putting spagettios into the microwave and mashing 60.

After divorce, I feel like if you “pretend” to be someone you are not while dating…the truth will eventually rear its ugly head. Well, the truth is I view cooking as a hobby. And, it isn’t on my list of hobbies. Some men want a self-sufficient, attractive, Barbie doll who can bring home and fry the bacon while cleaning the kitchen, doing laundry, decorating, shopping, staying perfect, etc. Those men are very lonely. That woman is a myth.

The truth is this – I can cook, but once I let me true self show, the self a potential mate would see and live with on a daily basis, that self is the one that doesn’t cook. To me, to act anything other than my true self is simply false advertising. Unmet expectations and unkept promises will take you right on to divorce #2…a place this liberal southern belle isn’t going. Thanks.

Let me add, if you are a man with means who wants me to cook and clean your home while you do your thing…I would clean. I wouldn’t cook. I might a little, but I wouldn’t be doing it because I liked it. I would be working on authoring my third book and/or blogging. That is MY dream arrangement. Stay at home writer/cleaner.

I am a Democrat. If you don’t want to date one, don’t. Let me say something that might blow your mind – I prefer dating Republican men. Crazy? That’s another blog post for another day.

I am not “thin” according to People Magazine, but I am not fat according to me. I have always been curvy – even when 120 pounds. If tiny, stick thin is your type, I am not going to fulfill your ideal. If I said that I saw myself getting to and staying at a size 2, 4 or even 6…that would be false advertising. I am not looking for divorce #2 as stated previously.

I am opinionated. I don’t see that changing. I am not rude – heck, I was class clown 7 years straight in high school. If you seek subservient and mild, seek someone that isn’t me.

I have two elderly dogs – one is a rescue beagle. Another is a chihuahua mix. They are allowed in my den. That is all. If that causes you a problem, then don’t come to my house or move on to your next candidate. This is not really going to change. They were here first. If I said otherwise, I would resent you forever for making me do something I didn’t want to do. Again, trying to prevent divorce #2. False advertising, etc.

These are all thoughts I think about often. I am glad to share them with you. If you are a divorced male or female – or if you have had relationships fail, what are your thoughts? I welcome, no, I adore feedback! Comments please!!!

PS – I returned my cautiously optimistic Christmas gift. I didn’t ask for an exchange, refund or store credit. I just returned him with the hopes that he stay returned permanently.

 

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5 thoughts on “Divorced Dating Thoughts

  1. NEVER, EVER, EVER change for a date. Plain and simple. They need to embrace every little thing about you, be it good or bad. Even when dating, guys don’t understand the gross sounds or habits they have that women have learned to deal with. You are on the right track, unfortunately the fish selection isn’t all that glorious at our age.

    I actually have a friend who is not the social type who is wanting to get out in the dating world. Trying to find someone decent is like trying to catch the wind. Most of the good ones are either married or bat for the other team.

    You are on the right track. Don’t let any man tell you that you need to conform to their standards (give them a list of improvements they need) and don’t let ANYONE tell you that you need to change to find a date.

    And on a side note, real men love curvy! Boys like sticks. Stick a candy bar in anyone’s mouth that says you need to lose weight. 🙂

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  2. I am in your boat! What my friends tell me and seem to think is truth is that I am somehow incomplete without a man in my life. But I’m not willing to settle ever again. And my kid comes first. At lest for the next 6-7 years.

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  3. What a good article! You have very powerful points and it’s nice to read something from a woman who respects herself and her views. Never change for any man! A man who respects you and everything you offer will come one day and love you. Have you tired Match or other dating sites? I met my husband on there. They are fantastic! Don’t mess around with small-town guys who only want one thing. It’s not worth the gossip (because people will eventually find out). You deserve a real man!! Good luck. Thanks for sharing your thoughts

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    1. I am a self-proclaimed online dating strategist. I have read books about this game. I have changed strategies often. I continue to attract the opposite of what I want. I am taking an online dating break also.

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